thoughts in my head

she was in the darkness but not alone she had the monsters in her head to keep her company as the time went past the monsters were making her insane she wanted to leave the dark but there was only one way out the monsters told her and she did what the monsters told her to do and everything was put to a permanent stop.

#14 11/23/14

im so ready for thanksgiving break , but i am not ready for thanksgiving... just alot of family feeling there jugdment ugh. im really tempted to stay home , i really want to . well ill see what happens i dont know if im going to go . im so not in the mood to deal with school i have school monday and tuesday this week its not alot thank gosh but its still school and i have a test each day great i am not ready at all for that . at least after school ill get to hangout with my friend :) , my friend is visting for a few days so happy to see her im super excitied i missed her! she's only staying till wednesday though that sucks. :( at least we get to hangout for a few days before thanksgiving . my least favorite holiday . i think my favorite is either valentines day or chirstmas :) sooo excited for chirstmas this year and also excitied for my birthday !!!

#13 11/16/14

I dont know why i thought you were going to stay . i think you tricked me with your looks and your kindness , but i shouldve known that was all temperary . i knew you were going to leave, everyone leaves me  even if they dont intend to they just do. but for some reason you made me beileve youd actually stay with me . but theres always a problem with people and they always end up leaving . those people who "dont want to argue" but it jjust feels like theyve given up on you . i mean if the people you care most about, just stopped trying to deal with your problems  stopped supporting you ... youd feel like shit too.. theres only a handful of people i actually actually care about but most of them left me ... i still continue to think and care about them and how much i missed them  and what did i do that made them leave? then again i have issues myself i push people away alot i just dont know why i feel like i have no one when i know theres people out there that do care about me

# 12 11/10/14

so i dont know whats up wiht my brain but . im kinda in a mood where i just want to party and get drunk and get sick the next morning. but the thing is i dont know why i feel like that  and ive been to a real party before.like one id be scared to go to and regret going to later . one of those . i know i might be pushing it after all im just 15 almost 16 . but still i dont think staying in my room and going to school , is a way to live . i know im only 15 and it wont be like this forever. but it just feels like it. i dont know maybe it a "phase" where i never feel satisfied with anything i have and always want more or want what i cant i have . its not like a boy any thing like that . just i dont know how to explain it maybe i am talking about boys i dont even know .i serious dont know whats wrong with me. im just tried of being told what to do and i hate how no one i live with fucking trusts me like what did i ever do that was so bad to lose your respect and trust. im not 5 i can take care of myself whatever.. -sandy